Trance-tory Tutorial by Kris P. Kreme
Trance-tory products are known for many things, but as Lauren has discovered, being easy to set up is not one of them.
On the phone, Lauren is waiting to be guided through a tutorial to get the Harmonizer she purchased on a whim to work. The Harmonizer promises to use the already present electronic distortions in a home to send soothing vibrations and end moodiness, to in essence create harmony in a household.
But just how ridiculous will the steps in pairing and tuning this Harmonizer get? Just how extreme will the end results become? And just where will the pleasant harmony be coming from?
Lauren is not at all happy waiting on hold forever just to get some guided tutorial to see if the ridiculous product she purchased on a whim one night will actually do anything like what the late night advertisement claimed when she ordered it.
A teenager about to escape a blended household, Lauren isn’t even sure she should have worried about the peace and harmony in her lately disagreeably argumentative home. Ever since Dennis and his son Kyle entered the picture, Dennis marrying her mother, there has been nothing but frustration and Lauren thought, even if only for a moment, the Harmonizer might help improve things for all of them.
Claiming to use the already present electronic distortions found in the home just from random electronics like televisions, computers, stereos, phones, and more, the Harmonizer promises to alter those distortions into soothing vibrations that fight moodiness and aggression, that make the occupants of the home less stressed and more happy.
It seemed at least worth looking at, certainly for the price, but then Lauren got it and went to set it all up while her mom was away and Dennis and Kyle took a trip to the hardware store… only to discover that the stupid thing needs calibrating to actually function.
But were there calibration instructions? Of course not. She was told to call into a 1-800 number for a step by step tutorial on how to properly calibrate and tune the Harmonizer for her home.
When at last the operator, Sean, finally answers, things go from mind numbing frustration to ridiculous as the steps involved in pairing the Harmonizer with her home, the steps to tune it, require Lauren to jump up and down, to hold precarious gymnastics style poses, all supposedly to help bounce the prevalent electronic distortions in the home back at the Harmonizer during the setup process.
Will the Harmonizer ever actually function? Will the final steps in this tutorial reveal a shocking gimmick to the As Seen on TV product that Lauren never knew? And will Dennis and Kyle come home to find a whole new pleasant harmony in their household?
It’s a sure bet that something is going to end up being twisted, when a Trance-tory Tutorial is what you’re following like Lauren is. Readers Choice Month reminds you to always be pleasant around the members of your home… especially if being pleasant leads to pleasure.
Coming next… You need a massage…
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