How to Be a Cow by Kris P. Kreme
Bessie’s boyfriend Scott always has a special kind of lazy plot for the weekend, usually some crazy bet he or his buddies make, inventive, sometimes almost clever, but never worth focusing her attention on.
This weekend especially she has other things to focus on, mostly researching a humanities assignment, and so Bessie will be spending time alone in her room with her laptop until she is done.
But after a persistent popup ad takes her to an instructional article called How to Be a Cow, will Bessie be done with studies forever? Step by step, she reads what at first seems amusing, then becomes obscene, and finally ends with a surprise she never saw coming.
Bessie has always been serious about everything she does, and this weekend she’s doubly serious about researching for a humanities assignment that will account for a third of her semester grade. In fact, she’s so serious, she doesn’t have time for her boyfriend and whatever crazy bets he has going with his buddies. Besides, what he and his friends do has nothing to do with her right?
Scott always has something going on during the weekends, and typically it involves some ridiculous bet he made with his buds Lester and Owen. In the past Scott hasn’t exactly won too many of those bets, and no matter how determined he is today, no matter how confident, Bessie doesn’t have time for his antics, not this weekend. She is determined to spend as much time on her laptop in her room focused purely on humanities. The oddly stacked metal pails in the living room of their apartment, not even the bizarre machinery Scott has been tinkering with assembling next to it, nothing is shaking her focus today.
Closed off in her room, putting all thoughts aside about whatever destructive immature bets the boys have and what sort of potentially security deposit endangering plans they have for the stuff outside, Bessie gets right to researching online. At first everything seems to be going according to her meticulous planning, all her links organized, nothing too distracting even if Scott still is banging away on that machinery while waiting on his buddies. But what will Bessie do when an annoyingly persistent popup ad constantly interrupts her focus, one apparently linking her to a story or article that certainly has nothing to do with her humanities assignment?
Eventually giving up on closing the stupid ad every few seconds, Bessie follows the provided link and has to laugh at the stupid title of what doesn’t seem to be an article, but rather some weird instructional guide… one called How to Be a Cow.
Figuring her boyfriend and his buddies will only be offering more distractions later on to her determined study time, Bessie sighs and takes a break from her studies, reading step one of How to Be a Cow.
She isn’t sure which is more odd, that anyone would put a step by step article like this online, or that anyone would ever want to be a cow. Of course as a humanities student, she knows people can be strange about their obsessions. Little does Bessie notice that as she is reading, her chest is heaving just a bit more, her breasts unnoticed beneath her as she lays on her side reading from the screen seeming fuller, larger, perhaps even drooping a touch more towards the bed.
Ignoring everything, reading along and finding herself shocked by how quickly the steps are taking a turn into what reads more like porn, Bessie never notices her thoughts fogging, a shock coming at the end of the instructional steps she may never be ready for.
Bessie was determined to get her humanities assignment flawlessly researched, but in the end will humanity be her past and something truly wet and messy be her future? Will Scott win his bet this weekend, and just what was that bet? Will the immature antics of his buddies finally drive Bessie out of her mind, or will she do that herself when she happens to read… How to Be a Cow?
Recent Comments